"I was always taught to respect my elders and I've now reached the age when I don't have anybody to respect."

"You can't help getting older, but you don't have to get old."

"Being an actor is easy, just picture someone in a room and you outside waiting for your cue to go in. Elliot Gould's been trying that for forty years."

"Retirement at sixty-five is ridiculous. When I was sixty-five I still had pimples."

"This is the sixth book I've written, which isn't bad for a guy who's only read two."

"The secret of a good sermon is to have a good beginning and a good ending; and have the two as close together as possible."

"Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."

"When the present is full of gloom, the past becomes haven of refuge that provides relief and inspiration."

"The poor on the borderline of starvation live purposeful lives. To be engaged in a desperate struggle for food and shelter is to be wholly free from a sense of futility."

"The qualities which a man seeks in his beloved are those characteristics of his own soul, whether he knows it or not."

"Here's to our wives and girlfriends... may they never meet!"

"Threats don't work with the person who's got nothing to lose."