"The trouble with born-again Christians is that they are an even bigger pain the second time around."

"The only thing wrong with immortality is that it tends to go on forever."

"I tend to live in the past because most of my life is there."

"Isn't it nice that people who prefer Los Angles to San Francisco live there?"

"The trouble with Oakland is that when you get there, it's there."

"All American cars are basically Chevrolets."

"I wrote the story myself. It's about a girl who lost her reputation and never missed it."

"Prove all things; hold fast that which is good."

"The first priest was the first rogue who met the first fool."

"Be thou as chaste as ice, as pure as snow, thou shalt not escape calumny. Get thee to a nunnery, go."

"If people only knew how hard I work to gain my mastery, it wouldn't seem so wonderful at all."

"I think we might be going a bridge too far."